Im at strip club and am horny
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
