She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
