Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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