Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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