i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
