so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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