I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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