when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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