i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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