he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There r osticjed everywhere
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
