genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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