What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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