Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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