I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
