Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
