Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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