it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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