so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
