If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
