i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Boobs are out for the taking
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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