I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she pinky promised me she was 18
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
