I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
