Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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