With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
