The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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