Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
How external is "for external use only"?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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