I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
