sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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