i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Less talking, more tequila
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
