at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
