Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
