Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
