Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
