had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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