I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
