Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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