My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
