remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
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I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
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I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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