I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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