***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
