I have demons in me.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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