My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
