I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
wow bdsm is so cute
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
