Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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