just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
