They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
