Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
