So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
