The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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