Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
