dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
