dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize