I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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