I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Randomize
