i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
