so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
