Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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