barbara walters just said penis...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
