WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
