Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
