Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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