do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
