I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
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He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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