my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
