What did we do last night that was yellow?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
