Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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