hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
