Grow some girl-balls and come out already
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
