There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize