she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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