Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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