i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You took a bar mat shot.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
