I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
