forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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