i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
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I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
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George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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