i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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