Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
