Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
